Choices
It’s that time of the year when we reflect deeply on the choices we’ve made. Some good, some bad, yet it led me to wonder if there ever was such a thing as a “bad” choice? Or are certain choices necessary for us to become who God/the universe has destined us to be? On the other hand, are all of the choices we make, or some of our missteps, just part of the “process”? Then again, we’re always one choice away from a completely different life.
Stoics and philosophers would suggest that we are the sum of the choices we make. Yet spiritualists would say nothing is ever an accident; there is only how we choose to respond, which is where the two schools of thought surprisingly agree. However, as I explore and delve deeper into my own understanding of spirituality, perhaps it is all part of God/the universe’s design. Or is it?
I then began to wonder about timing, and how certain lessons or knowledge is gained over time. Ironically, my next research series (ahem) upcoming book chapter will focus on this same subject. Do we learn by knowledge cramming? I mean, that never seemed to work for me in undergrad, or do we learn by reflection, or do we learn through making mistakes? Perhaps, it’s all of the above, but I guess my takeaway this year is that I have learned so much more about myself and others, life, and the world.
Lately, I have been disheartened by the amount of racism against mi gente, as well as other folks of color and other marginalized communities, that I’m even shocked at my ability to have maintained not only my sanity but also my positive outlook on life despite circumstance. If there’s only so much we can control, and many therapists often say focus on what you can control, that lead me to wonder about the uncontrollable parts of life? Yours truly has been contemplative (To be fair, I am a Virgo, so when am I not?) recently, and as I look back on some of my own choices that I’ve made, I do know that as I’ve grown older I am much more intentional about how I spend my time and my dollars, and more importantly who I surround myself with. There were some choices, or even people, I probably should have cut ties with a lot sooner when I was younger. Then again, would I have ever learned those lessons? Funny business, this game of life, and how we repeat patterns until we find the courage to break them. I used to think I had all the time in the world, and then suddenly I blinked, and I’m 40. I don’t feel 40, nor do I look it (thanks Mom & Dad, ahh the beauty of being Mexican-American). The truth is, our time on this planet is very, very short. As if the year 1994 didn’t teach me this, when my life changed forever. I think it’s only now that I fully understand it, and the adage that certain things have to happen the way that they do.
I used to think about the things I would have done differently, and yet I don’t know that I would have become who I am today if I had chosen otherwise. Unless time travel becomes real, there is absolutely nothing I can change or undo about the past; it must stay there. I can, however, do something about my future. Cliche, yes, but then again, can I? Or is it really up to a higher, divine source? One thing I do know for certain is that life is meant to be enjoyed, and as difficult as this year has been, the tears I have shed, and even past versions of myself I have let go of, I don’t know if I would have chosen this life for me, but I also think this life chose me too. Two things can be true, and I am grateful. Mostly, I am just happy to live it. Not everyone has the blessing of continued healthy living. Just last night, I ran into a friend who told me her husband is battling cancer. As I offered a hug and my prayers, it hit me again, “Every day above ground IS a good one.” Famous last words, my old man always used to say. Mom says them too, and it’s only now that I’m older that they hit differently, and I understand them on a much deeper level.
As I look back on my life, there was a lot of undoing and unlearning, but maybe, just maybe, I was always in route toward becoming my true self, or at the very least, returning to who I was before the world grabbed hold of me and told me who it thought I “should” be. In theory, then, I guess we’re always where we’re meant to be. So far, I’ve learned that the only responsibility we have is to be who we already are, and live each day to our best. Indeed, our best looks different daily, but what this year has taught me is that it matters how kind I choose to be. Did I choose to stay in peace? Was I able to resolve a conflict with someone I care about? Even if I wasn’t, can I still wish them well and genuinely mean it? I’m human, and I’ll perhaps continue to make mistakes, BUT it is all a part of the “process”, the only thing I can do is continue to embrace it, one day at a time. I look forward to 2026, knowing I am more resilient that I’ve ever been. “Some women are lost by the fire. Some women are built by it.” I’m ready!
