Doing the Work
Why can’t folks do the work on themselves in an attempt to understand their own behavior and how it impacts others? Self-love is not a selfish thing. You have to love yourself first before others, and not in the sort of superficial way that social media leads us to believe that is "self-love" but holding yourself with grace and compassion to be able to confront your inner-most wounds so you can heal & show up better.
It's like we've all grown lazy & seek the superficial "low-hanging fruits" of the world versus putting in effort to have a deeper meaning in life. Humans are quick to judge and quick to dismiss because it's the easier option to give in to the ego. We're quick to believe anything we're told and accept cognitive distortions or constructs placed on us and why? Why do we settle for less than living our truth?
Why are we afraid of confronting ourselves or the truth because it’s difficult? What is the harm in going inward and healing the most wounded parts if it ultimately leads you to true freedom? The kind of freedom that comes with accepting where you’ve been and knowing there is still much to learn yet you’re confident in all of it. Grant it, confidence at all times isn’t always sustainable because well, we’re human, and we go through things or life happens. However, it’s all a part of helping us to become better.
I used to think I had to “fix” people, and not in the sense that there’s something wrong with them but in the sense that if I could just lead them to their own understanding (which is part of being an actor), maybe they’d would be inspired to go and be the best version of themselves. I’ve learned that I can’t force that onto someone, nor would I want to. As the old saying goes, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.” Still, I trust that my work is enough and I’ve made the world better in my nearly 40 years on this planet (wow it sounds so old, but I don’t feel it). I trust that my contributions however big or small are enough, because I try. Though I stumble, I get up and try again. If mistakes are really lessons learned, still I wonder why are they so painful? Is there an easier way to learn? Yet, if it were easy maybe everyone would do the work. And sure, there’s that argument that life is 10% of what happens to you and the other 90% of it is how we respond, but it’s like we never really know what the correct response is until we know. Then there’s always the what we don’t know part or the yet to discover part.
I’ve been thinking recently that perhaps we ought to be better about really talking about what self-love looks like. Self-love requires that you do the deep inner healing work to remove anything that isn’t aligned with you, your being and your heart. Self-care is the walks in nature, because it’s still. Self-care is going to bed early so we get enough sleep. Or maybe we drink a little less when we’re out and about. I almost wish younger me knew this, or that peace and self discipline didn’t come at the expensive of walking away from places, or even people I outgrew, or no longer felt safe to be around. Was it easy? HA. Absolutely not, sometimes me doing the work has felt like it hurt me more than the thing I am trying to heal but that’s part of the expansion or growth process. We work & stretch our physical bodies, but why aren’t we talking about growing and working our heart muscle? We can eat all the right foods and get enough sleep, drink enough water, but if we’re not sitting with our emotions and feelings things then we are out of shape as the emotional human beings that we are. Think about it, we’re taught to suppress or run away from it and then it often spills out at the most inconvenient times, which isn’t healthy. Hence conflict happens because we haven’t sat with ourselves long enough to be able to speak where the behavior was coming from, nor are we taught how to deal with it in a loving, positive, and constructive manor. It is the harder choice, but harder doesn’t always have to be met with resistance. Over the years, life has taught me to surrender, and lately it seems, I’m still learning to let go of what I can’t control, which is pretty much everything. I can only control myself and how I respond to things. I’m trying to be better at how I respond, which I’ve learned that it doesn’t always have to be immediate. I’ve learned that what I perceived to be true or scary was in fact incorrect and just my body’s way to try and protect me from harm. Which younger me didn’t necessarily have healthy ways of coping. Did anyone grow up learning how to cope with life and being human? I digress, but God bless our bodies for taking care of us though we may not always take care of them in return. I WISH mental health was a more normalized topic, because we are incredibly complex as humans and yet that is what makes us beautiful.
I don’t have all the answers, I probably never will; but I feel that that in spite of how dark and gloomy the world may appear, we are also living at time when our world is perhaps being tested so we can expand. We HAVE TO do better if we stand any chance of survival. Although survival mode/mentality is a whole other animal, which I lived in most my life, (more on this later). Still, I wonder, why is it that despair teaches us how to love, or in times of strife that’s when we learn to love and come together? If only we loved at all times and when it’s hard, maybe then this world will experience true peace. If leaders, even the most vile could look inside themselves and give their inner child the love they never got perhaps then they’d feel the need to control others a lot less and not be driven by their ego, or materialistic sh*t, or capitalism? Just a theory…
Still, I hope, I pray, and I press forward with as much love as I can muster up and hold gratitude in my heart because I am choosing to.
