I Don't Get It
I’m a curious woman, I always have been since I was a little girl, I wanted to know things and I so deeply wanted to understand things. There was a period in my childhood where I could have skipped a grade twice, things just came naturally to me (except math). I’ve never liked boxes or limitations or labels, especially when so many have tried to put me in one. That’s not how a woman or any other human being should be treated, period.
This need for control, this need to pit one against the other, that’s not how we advance the human race. Pointing fingers is easy to do, as is placing blame and dodging the truth. Where is the integrity? Where are our leaders? What happened to human decency and kindness and serving others (but also not at the expense of yourself)? I’m outraged at what’s happening in my country, not only because someone was violently killed for speaking their mind, even though a lot of the rhetoric was hate filled still, that doesn’t mean someone deserves to die in vain. NO ONE does. Not Trey Reed, not the innocent children in Colorado or any one that has died in America at the hand of a gun and yet we treat it as the norm.
I disagree with a lot of people and so many have done me wrong, but I never once let that sour me, or at least not permanately. Naturally there was a state of confusion, shock, and pure hurt over what felt like betrayal because I could never fathom hurting someone intentionally. But fighting fire with fire is not how we move along. It saddens me, because if there’s anything history has taught us its that while humans can be the demise of our kind, I also think we are the answer.
Why do we judge? Why do we label? Why do we criticize and condemn? More importantly, why is it all done under the guise of religion? I didn’t know Jesus personally but I’m pretty sure if I did we’d be besties and align on A LOT of things, we would probably disagree a lot too but I’d love him anyway, because ultimately he made me better. And I’d love and accept him exactly for who he was, whether he came from Mother Mary or elsewhere, it would be null and void. In theory, it wouldn’t matter, because if he was kind and had deep empathy for others (which surprise surprise that’s what he was about) then in theory there would never be a need for hatred or arguing or any of those things.
And yet, here we are…I don’t f*ing get it, y’all, I really don’t. Life has never been fair to me, and still I persevered. I didn’t choose to stay down because I always believed (and still do) that there was more to life than the circumstances I was dealt or the people that crossed me because life is SO much bigger than me. It’s not always about you, it’s about the starving children in Gaza, and yes it is also about Charlie Kirk in spite of whatever happened to him that he felt it ok to spew hatred. It’s about Black and Brown, Asians, the Gays… ALL of it. FDR said it best, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. If we’re scared then we MUST confront our fears or seek out knowledge so we’re no longer afraid. But one thing we CANNOT continue to do is hoard wealth and deny people the right to live. Money cannot buy you morals. That’s NOT what America was founded on, that is if the idea of “America” is even real, because even a country that was once free came at a huge cost. It came at the cost of my ancestors who originally owned this land, it came at the cost of Black people, the Indigenous and so many others when it NEVER had to be this way.
What good was “manifest destiny” if it meant suppressing and killing others to make yourself inferior. It’s disgusting and sickening, and I will NEVER condone it. If we don’t learn to love each other as is, in spite of the labels, boxes or “societal norms” that are clearly warped then we really are on the brink of not only destruction of each other but more importantly, our planet is on the brink of extinction and this is just no way to live, and not what human beings were meant for. We were meant for community, and connection.
We were meant to love in spite of differences, we were meant to mingle and interact and learn about and from each other…ESPECIALLY if we all came from “God” because God IS love. Therefore, we should love thy neighbor because they are an extension of us. One thing I know for sure is, life has gotten SO black and white literally, but also through our method of thought and clearly life is not that easy and there are several nuances that we should be accounting for and yet don’t. It’s ALL valid, I yearn to live in a world where the greys were embraced and we learned how to solve problems without resorting to violence.
Still, there is so much out of my control and what I can control is my health, my mindset, and how I show up for the world. I will always cling to love, and fight for it. More than anything I will always fight for others, and this world no matter how dark it gets. This may make me “radical”, “work”, or dare I say it even a threat, but I don’t care. Caring for others and envisioning a better world is NOT a crime. It’s the antidote.
I probably won’t ever understand how it’s 2025 and yet we haven’t progressed mentally, spiritually, or physically as a human race. No we want to cling to money, botox and superficial sh*t that does NOT define us, nor does it feel the void deep within that so many clearly feel. It’s basic psychology…I wonder what would changed if we looked within instead of placing blame. What would change if we all confronted the battle within instead of projecting and allowing our insecurities get the best of us to the point where we need to control others?
The odd thing about being “radical”, you’re more likely to suspend ego and judgment, do research, trust science, data and give people the benefit of the doubt, extend grace and just love anyway. Whereas the fearmongers live and lead with just that, place blame and do not see that they are their own problem. I don’t get it, how are we STILL here? I’m tired.
God, the universe, angels, all the positive forces that be, please watch over us, and by us I mean ALL of us. Gaza, yes even Israel even though they are the oppressors (also not dismissing what the Jews have been through, because that was awful, and Hitler needed therapy, clearly) BUT this whole world. Forgive us Lord because we haven’t learned. I pray for Trey Reed’s family, I pray for Colorado, and every other school shooting that’s happened which should never have happened in the first place. F*ck Facism, Nazis, Racism and hatred. Immigrants matter, we all do because we are HUMAN BEINGS, and that is enough. I will never stop speaking Spanish, or choosing love. Love is all there is.
From my heart to yours, I love y’all, good night and God bless us all.